My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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