You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
