Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
