Need sex. Gaining weight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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