Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
