I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
