ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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