i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
