it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
