You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
