yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
