So drunk its hurt
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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