You really coming over, don't trick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I stole a fireplace last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
