Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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