It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
