when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
love makes seman taste better
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
