You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I lost the right to judge tonight
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize