you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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