You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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