All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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