just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize