i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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