you would pick up someone in the library
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nutella sex= disaster
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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