Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize