I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
