I hate all girls vehemently.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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