true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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