What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are a genius and a whore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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