I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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