I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm getting married
To pizza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
