i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
