I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
