Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
