im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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