so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
