8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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