so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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