Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
