she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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