my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
