i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
