haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
