I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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