Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
