just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
