is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.