I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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