just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
