So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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