oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
