White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
