I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
