I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
