U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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