Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
