They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
