There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
