I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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