is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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