My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
