Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
